borrowed nostalgia

i think i’d like to spend a night back then

years and years ago, when there were stars in the sky 

when we could look up where we were and see the heavens, before we blinded ourselves with our own light 

to spend a day when things were slower, with not so much to separate me from a forest squirrel 

climbing trees and looking upwards, feeling dirt between my toes 

when an idea was as big as the ocean, full of life, wonder, and color 

i could have just one and never see it fade

instead of spitting them out like chewed up bits of gum from a blister pack i took the last one out of and threw away 

i’d like to breathe in the air of walking for miles and reaching nothing, journeys taking days and weeks

to see the world change around me, but not too much too fast

everything is spinning and it won’t stop… i’ve been caught up in the twister all my life 

if i can look into a mirror for long enough i pause, but i have pills to take and buses to catch and oh so many unread emails 

i want to feel small under the stars, to shed the ability to project myself across the world

if i light up a room it’s with a lighter i bought for birthday candles at a grocery store

i’d like to sit in a room with open windows letting in a light breeze on a crisp spring night, smelling the flowers and looking out at the stars 

if i could do that and have all i have now

then i’d know what god feels like 

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